henhussy | kazuki kurusu; open post

does it really matter why?

yes! of course it does!

geez

this sex stuff is complicated

look, it's really not that complicated

sex isn't just about bodies, it's about minds too. sure, you can do it without liking the person, but it's not very satisfying that way and gets boring really fast.

what I want is

[And this text takes a while to send, because he pauses there for a long time, trying to figure out how to word what he wants. Has to stop and think about what he actually wants.

I want Yuzuko back.

But that's not possible. And Rei isn't Yuzuko. He wouldn't want him to be.

After a while, he tries to finish the sentence.]

someone to hold me when I'm upset, you know? and share a bed with. someone I can talk to about anything. someone who'll have sex with me because they want to.

my mind isn't good for anything but killing

someone like me... could never do all that

i'm sorry

forget i asked

of course your mind is good for other things! look how far you came with Miri. you know, I'm really proud of you for that.

and I dunno. do you want to do all that?

[Great, now his head feels like it's spinning a little and he's a bit...dizzy? Ugh.]

Miri is different

and all that sounds kinda nice... i just think i might be too busted

and i don't want to screw up what i have and lose it

Edited 2024-08-13 06:12 (UTC)

what makes her different? maybe that'll help you figure it out.

anyway, yeah, all that sounds really nice to me too. I've thought about doing it with you before, since we're partners and all, I just figured you wouldn't want to.

and well, I'm not going anywhere

she needs me

i had no idea

never thought about it until now...

and you think I don't?

it wasn't something I obsessed over or anything, I just thought about it. never figured I'd tell you.

not like you used to

now that we're out of the business

were they good thoughts?

I'd say I need you even more, for help with Miri and around the house and stuff

yeah. yeah they were

i'm happy with where we're at

but it's been... different

change is scary

I'm happy with where we're at too, right now. I guess it might be a problem later, but right now I'm fine. there's no rush.

if we did try to change... together

get together

what would happen if it didn't work out?

losing you and Miri would kill me

Edited 2024-08-14 05:32 (UTC)

[Wow. That's a lot to think about. It's a lot to try to predict and a lot to emotionally process. Him and Rei. Together. Not just coparents but...something else. The two of them.]

nothing is going to destroy our family. nothing.

pinky swear?

pinky swear

you guys are all i have

i would do anything to protect you

this

so would I. anything for Miri. anything for you

this must be what real family feels like

its a good feeling

... does being with someone feel that good?

[That makes him tear up. He can feel his eyes stinging and his lip trembling a little. It's sadness, a sort of bittersweet nostalgia that he gets every time he thinks of Yuzuko, of the baby they'd lost. But it's something else too, something Rei brings out in him, that softness.]

yeah, it really does. you feel safe. like you belong somewhere. loved.

you already belong somewhere

and are

y'know

loved n shit

[That makes the tears actually fall, and he rubs at his face, laughing at himself a little. He replies through a haze of tears.]

I know, you and Miri make it pretty obvious

sorry I'm so shit at explaining the difference

and you'll always be safe as long as i'm around

i'll kill anyone who threatens our family

... do you want a hug... or something?

(no subject)

henhussy - 2024-08-15 19:32 (UTC) - Expand